Tuesday, November 1, 2016

To those who love Matthias, on his birthday

I've been looking for you, baby, in every face that I've ever known.
And there is something about the way you love me that finally feels like home...
I wasn't ready then. I'm ready now. I'm running straight for you.
You will only be, eternally, the one I belong to.
The sweetest devotion hit me like an explosion.
All of my life I've been frozen. The sweetest devotion I know.

Its a miracle that he's here, and its even more amazing that he's healthy. That's what I tell everyone about Matthias.

I realized very early in his life that Matthias belongs to God much more than I could ever lay claim to him. And as I've watched him grow this last year it has become clearer and clearer how little control I have over his life.

The day I learned I was pregnant, Matthias sure didn't feel like a gift to me. But in the days since, he has grown beautifully and perfectly into the meaning of the name we chose for him: Gift of God.

As I get to know him better, and as I reflect on the sweet, gracious way God gave him to me, I am overwhelmed by how intimately He knows me and how deeply He cares for me. In Matthias that has been most evident. The Creator of everything spares no detail in His gifts for me, one little unknown person among billions.

I have also been humbled by all the wonderful people who love Matthias. Who pray for him and delight in him with us and support us in so many ways as we strive to raise him.

Matthias is first a gift from God, and second a gift from all of you.

Over and over again I hear sweet stories from loved ones about their specific, diligent prayers for Matthias and for me. God heard and He answered, and is answering, and I am blessed to be the beneficiary.

Many of you taught -- and are teaching -- me how to be a mother. I was completely unequipped, but you all have given me everything I have needed so far. Through love and by example and in more concrete ways as you have showered us with gifts.

You have done more than I have words or time to recount. And though it doesn't feel adequate I felt compelled to say thank you as we celebrate his first year.

Matthias is a joy, but I am not blind to the fact that motherhood would be a lot more difficult without all of you behind me. I appreciate you more than you know.

As I look forward to future birthdays with a mixture of hope and anxiety, happiness and sadness, I am thankful Matthias and I will have you with us. Here's to many, many blessed more!