Being who you already are no matter the circumstances of your life is what it means to release the art you were made to live.
-Emily Freeman
The writer's group I'm blessed to be a part of asked us to write this week on our secret dreams as writers and what is holding us back from them. Initially, I wanted to say I quit my job and am seeking out the most meaningful (read: unpaid) writing work I can find. I've made the leap -- I just don't have any assignments. I just can't find an audience.
I wanted to say I'm going for the dream, I'm just failing.
But I spent a few quiet moments to ponder what my dreams truly are. When I am honest with myself it was never my dream to write for state lawmakers (though that felt like a dream job). And it isn't my dream now to secure great writing gigs. It's deeper than that.
The dream is to move people with words. To inspire them to make their world better. To reach them down wherever they are and let them know they can go up as high as they would like. To tell those girls and boys who don't know it yet they are good enough. They are capable. To encourage kindness and diligence and dedication to more than just what we see in front of us today.
The moments when that has been possible have been the moments when life felt right.
And here I am with two and a half hours until midnight with the worldwide platform on my computer screen and a group of wonderful women cheering me on and I am running over the reasons in my head why I should sit this one out.
I'm tired.
I don't have enough time to get it right.
I don't want to be late again.
No one will read it anyway.
If they do, they'll think I'm stupid.
I need to get some other things done.
This isn't mandatory.
And the pile of excuses is always there for me. I can offer them up. Hide behind them. Spend my time ticking them off, one by one. But that is what is actually holding me back, isn't it? Excuses.
Okay, it is A LOT more than that. But excuses is a big one. I'd be further ahead if I didn't cling to them.
The cursor flashes as I decide whether or not to elaborate.
But I'm tired and it's late and I need to get some other things done and this isn't mandatory.
We'll see what tomorrow holds.
